Striking a Balance (Thalia Book 2) (The Thalia Series) Read online

  “I guess he would have left me there?”

  “Anything else?”

  Thalia thought back to the day and remembered that he had also withheld lunch; she had been hungry. “He wouldn’t have fed me.”

  “So yer options were to stay tied to a bed, being sexually tormented, and starving - or call out for him, and be fed, and be taken care of?”

  “I could have refused him. I could have fought him. I could have -” Thalia realized she was crying and forcefully brushed the tears off her cheeks, burying her reddening face in her hands.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” Thalia dug her fingernails into her palms. Stop crying, dammit.

  “Thalia, this doesn’t work if ye don’t talk to me.” Ailsa leaned forward in her chair, setting the folder aside. “Come on, talk to me. What do ye think ye could have done?”

  “I could have not come for him!” Thalia shouted and hated herself for crying, for hearing her breath catch.

  “Really? Ye think ye could have avoided a very natural biological response to stimuli?”

  “I didn’t come for Anthony!” Thalia was surprised when she shouted at Ailsa, but Ailsa didn’t even flinch.

  “Anthony didn’t condition ye, Thalia. Marcus did.” She spoke so calmly. Thalia just stared at her, not knowing what she meant. “Tell me, what happened when ye disobeyed Marcus?”

  “He punished me.”

  “Rather harshly if what I’ve been told is true. And what happened when ye obeyed him? When ye did what he wanted?” Ailsa’s pen was poised over the journal.

  “He was... nice.” Thalia felt nauseous and shook her head, “No, that’s not the right word. Not nice, but he kind of was, it’s just -”

  “It’s alright to use whatever language fits. So if ye obeyed, he was nice.” She was writing again. “He gave ye orgasms, right?”

  Thalia blushed furiously and couldn’t bring herself to answer, but Ailsa didn’t seem to need it.

  “He brainwashed ye, Thalia, with the simplest of biological urges - pleasure and pain. He programmed ye to react the way he needed ye to. Obedience resulted in a chemical high from orgasm, a rush of endorphins, pleasure, kindness, food. Disobedience resulted in pain, punishment, and violence. And ye wonder why ye didn’t fight him? It was survival, Thalia, and ye survived. But now ye have to recognize that those harsh alternatives aren’t yer reality any more.”

  The words sank in. All of it was true, but the crippling guilt over coming for Marcus, for calling out for him, was still there. Did it really matter why she’d begged for him?

  “Thalia? Talk to me.” Ailsa set her pen in the middle of the journal and leaned forward. “Does James use these same methods?”

  “What the fuck?” Thalia stared at Ailsa like she had grown a second head, and for once she saw a slight response in her facial expression. “What is it with you and Ka- Master Kalen? Master told me you were his friends, that you’ve known him for years, and both of you - BOTH of you - have accused him of being like Marcus!”

  “Thalia -”

  “Stop it! Marcus was -” she gritted her teeth, “he was fucking terrifying. I never knew what I could do, or couldn’t do, and he changed the fucking rules all the time. My Master is consistent, and he never just hurts me, he’s never scared me, and he cares about me. Don’t compare them! Don’t fucking compare them!”

  “Alright, alright, I’m not.” Ailsa was trying to soothe her, her voice was calm and steady.

  “Good.” Thalia sat back and wiped her cheeks again.

  “One more question and I’ll be done for today... if yer not afraid of James, if he is so different, then why are ye so afraid of being yourself, of maybe screwing up around him, that ye won’t even try to be more than his submissive?”

  Thalia opened her mouth to answer sharply, and then closed it.

  She wasn’t afraid. Was she?

  Chapter Nine

  James was frustrated because Thalia had seemed off since her first therapy session with Ailsa, but she wouldn't tell him what was bothering her. She’d said she’d had to talk about Marcus, about what he’d done, but she wouldn’t say anything else and something had happened to upset her.

  James wanted to tell her she never had to talk to Ailsa again, that it was alright, and that they could just leave. Maybe in the middle of the night.

  Like right now.

  Because he really wasn’t sure how much longer he could deal with letting Kalen run the show, experience and expertise or not.

  Moving carefully on the bed James pushed himself up until he was leaning back against the headboard. Thalia was curled on her side into a little ball, her light brown hair spread out on the pillow above and behind her head, and her soft lips were parted with the slow, steady breaths of sleep.

  God. He really wanted to fuck her.

  He wanted to hear her gasp and moan in his ear, feel her body go tight under him as he brought her to orgasm, pin her down to make her come again when she thought she couldn’t handle another one. His cock absolutely agreed with that line of thinking, and it throbbed inside his pants, rigid and impossible. He gripped it through the fabric and immediately regretted it as his stomach tightened with the instinct to thrust against his hand.

  She made a sound in her sleep, and although his eyes had trailed down the outline of her body, his gaze snapped back to her face to see if she was okay. He had flashbacks to when she’d first come home with him, and she’d had nightmares almost every night. She was fine though, and back to breathing evenly. Beautiful, and smart, and strong, and absolutely fine – but it didn’t suppress James’ sudden urge to metaphorically wrap her in bubble wrap and do everything in his power to keep her from feeling upset ever again.

  What the bloody hell had Ailsa said to her? And why hadn’t Kalen let her, and him, get off in the six days they’d been at Purgatory?

  His head wouldn’t let it go so he grabbed his phone to find that it was after four in the morning. Pointless to try and sleep now since today was the day Ailsa and Kalen wanted to test Thalia’s sense of self-preservation. And if James was honest with himself, there was a part of him worried that Thalia wouldn’t protect herself in the session. Especially after she kept the panic attacks hidden.

  Thalia rolled onto her back and the whisper of fabric over skin as the sheet slid down to her waist had his full attention. His cock jumped against his hand, and he gripped himself harder. So much perfect, milky skin. Before he could think about it James was running his fingertips across the slice of her collarbone, brushing the hollow under her neck and trailing down between her breasts. She arched slightly into his touch, and he gritted his teeth against a groan as he watched her body roll up towards his hand. He brushed his thumb over her nipple and the pink bud tightened under his touch. He wanted to taste her skin, to pull that bud into his mouth and hear her cry out. He moved his hand farther down instead. Her stomach was soft and smooth as he trailed his fingers to where the sheet cut a diagonal line toward the swell of her hip.

  James wanted to repeat that path with his tongue, wanted to push her thighs apart and bury himself inside her to wake her up. Feel her nails dig into his arms, his shoulders, his back, where she could leave little half moon marks as she rocked her hips, meeting him thrust for thrust. His balls ached and he growled as he tugged her sheet up, instead of down.

  He had to get away from Thalia or he was going to break his promise to Kalen and potentially ruin everything.

  A moment later he was in the shower and he flipped the water to cold and bit down on a curse as he was pelted with water a few degrees away from forming ice. He leaned his head against the wall and started to run through topics he had to cover in his unavoidable meetings at work the following week, statistics and fiscal reports. Anything to block out the beautiful, and very naked, submissive lying in the other room. It was foolish to think of Thalia again, because he wanted to touch her, taste her, spank her, fuck her, - but as he thought about the next week his lust waver
ed. Thinking of being away from her for five days while he was back in London instantly had him miserable. An effective deterrent to his ever-present sex drive. Just as he started to shiver from the cold water, his cock finally gave up. When he flipped the water back to warm so he could shower he blew out a breath.

  James knew he was in deep with Thalia. That she had found some unknown place inside him that was making her impossible to remove if she left him, and he’d give anything to stay with her, to be worthy of staying with her, because he -

  Well, shit, the ‘L’ word already?

  He had to talk to Kalen.

  Before he left for London.

  And in that discussion he’d have to remind Kalen that he cared about her, more than he was even admitting to himself. He’d also remind him of just who Thalia belonged to, because this second rate Dom bullshit wasn’t going to work.

  Yes, he and Kalen needed to talk.

  Their morning routine went relatively smoothly. When the phone alarm went off James woke up Thalia with a kiss, and she pressed against him, tugging at the shirt he’d put on until he had to pin her arms before he gave in to her sweet pleas and fucked her until this half of the dormitory could serve as auditory witnesses for James’ lack of self control. “Get up, pet, and get ready.” His voice was rough.

  “Master...” She pouted prettily, begging him to touch her with a roll of her hips.

  Vixen.

  “Up.” James sent her to the shower with a spank, trying to ignore the way the light of the bathroom outlined her curves. The way she smiled at him, and looked over her shoulder before she stepped through the doorway, had his cock making suggestions. He spent the next fifteen minutes reading the most boring emails he could find, while imagining everything he’d like to do with Thalia once they were back home and all this was done. He was definitely going to bind her, light her skin up with a flogger, and then make her come until she begged him to stop - after that? He’d get creative.

  The morning meeting was focused on Ethan again, with Kalen explaining calmly that Marisol was not interested in being a submissive. Ethan kept replying that Marisol wanted to try the lifestyle. If that guy couldn’t see through Marisol’s bullshit then it wasn’t James’ place to enlighten him. Kalen was working on the situation, but the poor guy said he loved her, that he was even thinking of trying it vanilla for a while. Ailsa asked good questions about whether that would satisfy Ethan’s needs, and he’d stayed silent. James had seen Doms like him try to make it work and it always fell apart – but no one was going to make Ethan see that until he was ready. No matter how many credit card bills he got in the mean time.

  Then they had spent time talking about the plan for Thalia, to ‘test her ability to protect herself’. If she failed Kalen and Ailsa’s test, it would damage Kalen’s perception of their relationship, and it would color every session James’d had with her over the past few months.

  He was sick over it.

  The opportunity to grab Kalen and talk with him one-on-one before the session with Thalia never came. By the time James had made it over to him, Kalen was late for a training session with Brad, Chloe and Lauren and he didn’t have a minute. Kalen gripped his shoulder and said they’d catch up later, but he didn’t see him again until it was time.

  James was even more sick when Sven came to grab him, and brought him out to the front lawn where the girls had been doing a warm up run and some cardio. Thalia was laughing with Analiese as they finished a lap, and he couldn’t believe how comfortable she looked, or how her smile could make him feel warm from two hundred yards away. The sun was filtering through the overcast sky, occasionally lighting up the honey strands of her hair. She didn’t even understand how beautiful she was. Her ass looked incredible in the running pants, and once he’d noticed that he completely lost track of whatever Kalen was saying. She was perfection. James watched as Thalia started to walk over to him, broad smile, that excited twinkle in her eyes – but Kalen didn’t let that happen and James had to root himself to the spot to keep from touching her or contradicting Kalen in front of everyone.

  It grated on his nerves like nothing else. James was her Dom, dammit.

  “Thalia, come here.” Kalen’s voice snapped across the lawn, and she paused a second before turning back to kneel by the other girls – disappointment evident on her face.

  Yeah, baby, I feel the same way.

  “Chloe, yer meeting with Ailsa. Lauren ye will not just sit outside Ailsa’s office, go with Julie for a review on patience and quiet. Ye could use it. Analiese could help with that I’m sure.” The German girl couldn’t stifle her smile or the side glance she cast at Lauren who was blushing and almost opened her mouth to speak – but quickly thought better of proving Kalen’s point. “Marisol, ye will go with Sven to meet up with Ethan for practice. Thalia, yer staying here. Alright ladies, go on.” There was a flurry of activity. Julie hugged Thalia tightly before bounding off toward the house with the other girls, and then they were alone on the wide lawn.

  “Thalia, we’re about to run yer first session here at Purgatory.” Kalen spoke clearly as he stood in front of her, and Thalia’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. Kalen picked up on it, “We’re outside because based on yer history we’ve decided to do this a little differently.”

  “Yes, Master Kalen.” Her voice was perfect submission, hazel eyes on the ground.

  “All ye have to do is obey, understand?” Kalen was using his Dom voice, and he was always a little louder than necessary, but it had Thalia nodding. “Tell us yer safe word.”

  “Chair.” She spoke it clearly and James could only pray silently that she used it.

  “Thalia, look at me.” Kalen gentled his voice a bit, but it still held bite. She lifted her head and James smiled when her eyes found him first, and then corrected back to Kalen.

  That’s my girl.

  “Yer going to do burpees for us, just like ye have done with Julie. But we want them done perfectly. That means jumping, both feet off the ground, dropping down, jumping yer feet back to a push-up position, and then bringing them back, and jumping again. That counts as one. Do ye remember how to do it?” Kalen finished, and James could have laughed. Thalia did them all the time at the flat, she had her own little routine that James took great pleasure in watching while he ran the treadmill. It wasn’t a question of if she could do them properly, but for how long could she do them.

  “Yes, Master Kalen. I know how to do them.” Thalia held his gaze with confidence and James was proud of her. Her legs were slightly spread in the kneel, her palms resting on her thighs, back straight, light brown hair pulled back into a bun to stay out of her face for her morning run. The dark running pants hugged her legs, and the pale purple tank top made her chest stand out. He liked it better when he watched her do them in just a sports bra and underwear, but it was cool outside so he’d enjoy this view just fine.

  “Well, get started, pet.” James had spoken before he realized it, and her gaze flicked to him instantly. Kalen looked at him too and he felt the tension between them strain. Thalia stood up to do her first one, and he spoke again, “Face the left so we can make sure you stay in form.”

  Another ratchet of tension from Kalen, he could see his friend’s shoulders tighten, but he didn’t care. Thalia was his submissive and if anyone was going to push her to her safe word, it was going to be him.

  “Go on.” Kalen added, and it grated with James. He’d always been good at sharing with Kalen in the past, but right now he wanted to push his friend back from Thalia and stake a claim.

  She’s mine.

  “Yes, Master.” Thalia responded only to him and a swell of pride filled his chest. She bounced on her running shoes, dropped smoothly to a crouch, kicked her feet back and landed in a perfect plank position. His eyes traced the line of her back to the swell of her ass, and bit his cheek to keep from smiling. She held the plank for a moment, and then jumped her feet forward and bounced up.

  “Perfect. Again.”
James spoke before Kalen had the chance and his friend took a half step back to stand shoulder to shoulder with him. Thalia continued, her breaths still smooth and even, repeating the moves again and again.

  “James, what are ye doing?” Kalen whispered so that Thalia couldn’t hear over the sounds of her own movements.

  “Doing what you asked, Kalen.” James muttered in response, trying his best to keep the irritation out of his tone. She’d already done so many perfectly, and James was impressed. He was normally focused on things other than proper form when he watched her, but she was strong and showing it now.

  “I told ye, I’m in charge while she’s here.” Kalen spoke quietly again, his words covered by her soft grunt as she jumped her feet forward.

  “If she’s going to safe word for anyone, Kalen. It will be me. She’s my sub.” James said it in such a way that made it clear to his friend that it wasn’t open to discussion. Previous agreements or not, James couldn’t handle Kalen running this. Not this.