Striking a Balance (Thalia Book 2) (The Thalia Series) Page 20

  “Oh fuck, oh fuck...” She twined her hands in the sheets by her head and he bit down on her thigh, making her gasp.

  “Language, pet.” His mouth edged closer to her core just as his fingers curved to hit that bundle of nerves inside her that had her lifting off the bed in whimpers. “Beg me.”

  “Master, oh fu- umm, please, please make me come! I want to come for you, please, please, I’ll do anything, just please let me come!” Her voice was rising, each word punctuated by gasps and little cries - and then his mouth found her. Heat thrummed over her clit, and before she could think another orgasm crashed over her like a wave, drowning her in the aftershocks as she screamed and writhed in front of him.

  “Thalia... you are perfect.” One more devilish lick that had her shuddering and he stood up. “Take your top off.” His own fingers were deftly sliding down the front of his shirt undoing each button and revealing his hard chest. She tore off the tank top, and the sports bra and felt the cool air of the room harden her nipples even further. His pants dropped, and her mouth opened at the sight of him. She wanted to taste him, reaching forward he grabbed her wrist, and shook his head.

  “But -”

  “No.” His voice slammed into her, zeroing in on her submissive nature, and she found herself speechless, heart still racing as his cock leaked precum that she wanted to taste. Leaning forward he grabbed her hair and lifted her towards him, his lips finding hers in a bruising kiss that told her exactly how much he needed her too. Her hands found his waist and her nails dug in, and she felt him jerk his body forward, his cock seeking. He pulled back a fraction so he could see her face. “You’re mine.”

  “Yes.” Thalia breathed it and he kissed her again, hard, the ferocity of it ripping the air from her lungs as he wound his fingers into her hair, bowing her back. Then he tore his lips away and grabbed her legs and flipped her, yanking her back towards him until she felt his cock against her pussy. She wiggled, clenching her hands in the sheets a moment before he thrust forward. He groaned, and she moaned into the bed as he filled her. He slid back once, and slammed forward hard, burying himself inside her completely and she felt her body stretch around him. Her toes braced on the frame of the bed as his fingers dug into her hips to hold her in place.

  Then he really started to move. As tense as she had been in the past six days, every hard thrust, every bruising grip of his hands at her hips, every bite he trailed down her ribs, spoke that the time hadn’t been easy for him either. She came once as he continued to thrust into her, and he pulled her back by her hair until her screaming moans turned back into whimpers of pleasure. One hand slid under her to cup a breast and pinch a nipple sharply, which had her bucking back against him in breathless need. When his hands returned to her hips and she felt him pressing her down into the bed she knew he was close, and she tightened around him as he shouted, “Thalia! Fuck!” She felt him spill inside her, his body taut against hers, and then his forehead pressed against her back and there was nothing but the mixture of their harsh breathing.

  “Language.” She mumbled into the bed and he delivered a sharp spank as he slid from her that made her jump and laugh. He crawled onto the bed and jerked her against his front, his arms wrapping tightly around her. After a few minutes as their breathing started to calm, his fingers traced the random red spots across her side and hip. He laid his hand over one, and placed a kiss into her hair, breathing deep against her neck.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re going to be covered in marks.” His voice held a little humor, and she grinned like a kid at Christmas. She’d wanted him for days, and this is exactly what they’d both needed.

  “Mmmm, good keepsakes.” She murmured. He propped himself up on his elbow and kissed her again. Soft, nibbling kisses that had her moaning against his mouth.

  “Agreed. I like seeing my marks on you.” He kissed her again.

  “I wish we’d come here sooner.” Thalia hadn’t meant to say it out loud, and she almost backpedaled when she saw the furrow appear between James’ blond brows. His voice was soft when he spoke.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t bring you here sooner, baby. I am. I’m sorry that I was so arrogant that I thought I could help you all on my own.” He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her chin, her nose, and then her mouth. “I wish I’d brought you here months ago, because I can already see how much being around everyone has relaxed you, and you should have had that before now.”

  “They do relax me.” She ran her fingers over the arm that laid across her waist. “The girls, they just, they understand me. What I want to be anyway.”

  “And you think you can...?” James asked, sincerity threading heavily through his voice.

  “They make it seem easy, and it’s easier to copy them than it has been to try to figure it out on my own.” She bit her lip for a second, “I think that’s what I mean, I just wish I’d had someone to observe before now, to know what I could do, that wouldn’t -” A lightbulb went off in her head and she almost sat up straight. She needed to tell Ailsa.

  “Wouldn’t?” James prompted.

  “Wouldn’t make me look like an idiot around you.” She smiled, but there was more. More. She just needed to say it to Ailsa, to make sure she was right.

  “You are much too smart to ever be an idiot, baby.” He grinned. “And, while I’d much rather spend the afternoon like this, Kalen will absolutely come up here. Do you want to shower before you go see Ailsa?” His eyes were locked on her mouth, his thumb tracing her bottom lip.

  “Five more minutes?” She pouted a little and he smiled down at her.

  “Ten. And then we’ll shower.” She grinned and he kissed her again.

  Chapter Ten

  Shower, dress, make out session, and promises that they’d be together one more time before James left for London the next day, and Thalia was at Ailsa’s door.

  She knocked and heard her call out, “Come in, Thalia!”

  Easing the door open, Thalia couldn’t wipe the happy grin off her face. She was blushing the second she sat down across from Ailsa who flipped open her journal and studied her with those dark eyes. Anyone could tell Kalen and Ailsa were siblings, they both had the evaluation stare down perfectly. It sort of made Thalia feel like she should be on a witness stand, or a doctor’s table – or, well, a therapist’s couch.

  Ugh. At least she wanted to be here right now.

  “Before you say anything, can I answer your question from last time?” Thalia stammered over the words, riding the high of her orgasms, her time with James, and the confidence of her new revelation.

  Ailsa’s eyebrows lifted, “Absolutely. If ye have an answer.”

  “I think I do, it came to me when I was talking to Master about how glad I was that he brought me here.”

  “He should have brought ye here sooner, Thalia.” Ailsa interrupted with a little more snark than Thalia expected, but she quickly schooled herself back to professional neutrality.

  “He said that too, he already apologized about it.” She remembered the way his green eyes had been filled with guilt when he’d admitted his mistake, and she knew that hadn’t been easy for him.

  “Did he?” Ailsa made a note in her journal, and Thalia leaned forward.

  “Wait, that’s not what I want to talk about. You asked me why I haven’t been more than just his submissive, since I said I wasn’t afraid of him? Right?” Thalia barreled forward, not wanting to get distracted before she forgot what she wanted to say. James’ kisses and touches in the shower had been distracting enough.

  “Yes, I’d still like the answer.” Ailsa leaned back in the chair, the stone gray of her dress making her red hair blaze.

  “I think I know. I’m not afraid of my Master, he would never hurt me like Marcus did.” Her stomach still tightened at the thought of him, but she ignored it, “I’ve just always been afraid of ruining it with him. Of doing the wrong thing in public, and somehow revealing our relationship. I don’t know if he told you, but -” Thalia grabbed a
breath as she rattled out her answer, “but Anthony and Marcus blackmailed him, he tried to confront them, he did, and they blackmailed him to keep their secret. If he revealed them, they revealed him, and that idea is the worst possible outcome to him.”

  “Okay...” Ailsa was writing and listening.

  “Don’t you get it?” Thalia held her hands out like it should be obvious, and Ailsa just stared at her, waiting. “I was afraid to ruin his life! By screwing up, by calling him Master in public, or doing something so submissive that everyone would know! I was so afraid that I might do that, and then he’d have to leave me, or kick me out, or - or maybe he would stay with me but I would have ruined everything. I was terrified to do that, and I just can’t be without him. I can’t.”

  “Why do you think you can’t be without him, Thalia?” Ailsa was calm. She wasn’t excited at all that Thalia had finally figured it out. She finally knew what had been wrong for so many months! Tears came up in her eyes as Ailsa ruined the high she’d been riding when she’d walked in the room.

  “Don’t ask me that, Ailsa.”

  “That’s the million dollar question, Thalia, I need ye to answer it.” Ailsa wasn’t going to budge, and now Thalia regretted coming into her office with such hope. She thought her realization would resolve everything, make everyone understand what had been wrong with her.

  “I only want to be with him, Ailsa.” Thalia said it through gritted teeth.

  “Why?” Her face was open, curious, like that was a valid question.

  It wasn’t a valid fucking question.

  “Why? You’re really asking me why I only want him?” Thalia laughed, pushing her damp hair back from her face. “He knows everything. Everything. My entire fucked up history, and he still looks me in the eyes, Ailsa, he still cares about me. It’s not like you, or Master Kalen, or anyone else who has only heard about Marcus... he fucking saw it. He heard me beg him, he watched me beg him. He knows every horrible thing, and he still looks at me and he, he smiles.” Her heart hurt as she spoke, and she could feel the heat in her face as the tears came again. “He still wants to take me to dinner, wants me to meet his friends. His fancy, high-class friends and co-workers. He still wants to touch me, and he doesn’t judge me that in all that horror I realized I fucking liked it. That I wanted to be a submissive - not to Marcus - but I liked it, I fucking liked it. Who else would know all that, could have seen all that, and still want me in their bed? Still want me as their girlfriend? Still want me as their submissive? Still want to introduce me to everyone he knows and be excited to do that? It’s why I’m HERE, because he really BELIEVES in me, he believes I deserve to be seen with him, that I’m worth that. He wants to have me with him so much he admitted his own mistakes to his best fucking friend and risked everything for ME. Damaged, and fucked up – me. And you’re asking me why I’m afraid to lose that? You’re really asking me that?”

  Ailsa sighed heavily, set her pen down and clasped her hands. Thalia’s heart was pounding in her chest as she waited for Ailsa to try and argue. “I am asking ye that, Thalia. Do ye think that no one else could want ye? Really? Yer a beautiful girl, a natural submissive, who is strong and a survivor, and clearly has the ability to be vocal when ye want to be. If ye decided not to be with James, Kalen and I could absolutely help ye find someone, and they would be very lucky.”

  “I want him.” Thalia spoke flatly.

  “Thalia.” It was Ailsa’s turn to hold her hands out, as if she were making any kind of sense. “Ye have PTSD, that much is obvious. Panic attacks, hyperventilating, agoraphobia, trouble with crowds. And all of that is understandable, it’s expected. But ye have James on such a pedestal that ye can’t even see his faults, his mistakes, his issues. I don’t think ye are in a place mentally or emotionally to make a decision like that. It’s why I am so bloody angry that just because ye used yer safe word Kalen let ye go to bed with James again, ye -”

  “Fuck you.” Thalia growled it and Ailsa’s open mouth and her shocked look said it all. “Fuck you and Kalen! Marcus took me and took away everything, every choice. I was supposed to be a blank slate, his slave, or the slave of whoever bought me. I was going to have no choice in that. And now YOU, you and Kalen are trying to tell me I can’t have sex with my Master if I want to? That I can’t choose to be with him? How are you any different than Marcus? The only person here who is willing to let me make my own choices is my Master! How ridiculous is that?!” She was shouting, anyone nearby would be able to hear her, hell, people not nearby could probably hear her screaming.

  “Thalia that is not what we -”

  “That is exactly what you’re doing! Telling us we can’t be together? Telling me I can’t choose him? That I’m not capable? Well when am I supposed to be capable?! Am I supposed to need guidance for the rest of my fucking life because of what Marcus did?”

  “No. No, yer not.” Ailsa was trying to calm her, speaking softly, her dark eyes radiating concern. “We just want what’s best for ye.”

  “Then how about you all let me fucking decide what’s best for me? I still have almost two months until my Master will let me tell him my decision, and I have chosen to submit to him, so I will accept his timeline. But if this is your plan to help me, you’re doing a shit job and it’s not working!”

  Ailsa was silent, her gaze evaluating her again. Thalia was breathing heavily, and she realized that this was the loudest, and most angry, she’d ever been. She’d just screamed, and cursed, and insulted Kalen’s sister, but every word of it was true, and Thalia didn’t care what magical list of Dominants Kalen or Ailsa had access to, the only person she wanted was James – and nothing they did or said would change that.

  “I think it is working, Thalia. Quite well, actually. That’s the best glimpse of ye that I think anyone involved has had.”

  “But you still want me to let you run my life, or keep me from him?”

  “That’s not what we want at all.” Ailsa sighed. “All I really want is for ye to admit that James isn’t perfect. Ye want a relationship with him, like he wants with ye? Those types of relationships don’t happen when one person thinks the other is infallible.”

  Thalia let out a frustrated scream, and then forced herself to take a breath. James’ voice played in her head, “I’m not an idiot, Ailsa. I am very aware that what he did was wrong. He watched the feed even after he knew what Marcus was doing, but I also know he hates himself for his weakness. But what would have happened to me if he hadn’t been weak? If he didn’t have faults? If he was perfect... where the fuck would I be?”

  “I’m not sure, Thalia.” Ailsa spoke solemnly.

  “Neither am I, but I bet I wouldn’t be here, surrounded by people who are at least trying to help me – even in some misguided ways. I’d - I’d probably be in some brothel in some horrible place, begging for death. That’s what Marcus had promised me.” Thalia closed her eyes, remembering the party, the auction. How James had instantly called her over, how after he had her with him he had kept everyone away, had even stopped Anthony. That person was a good person. “I know he’s not perfect, but he’s who I want, and I can’t tell him that for a while yet, but I can say it to you.” Thalia looked Ailsa in the eyes so she could see and hear her sincerity, “I want him, mistakes and all, and unless he suddenly decides he doesn’t want me, I’m going to remain his submissive, and his girlfriend, no matter what you or Kalen say.”

  “Okay.” Ailsa nodded.

  “Okay?” Thalia was caught off guard by the sudden acquiescence.

  “Okay.” Ailsa shut her journal and shrugged. “I’m comfortable telling Kalen, and James, that ye know exactly what ye want, and that although ye still need help, and more therapy, to deal with what’s happened to ye... I think ye are in a place where ye can have a healthy relationship with James.”

  Thalia laughed out of shock. “You’re going to tell them I’m okay?”

  “That is not what I said. Ye still need therapy, Thalia. I can recommend someone in Lond
on, or we can speak over the phone, but I do think that ye have at least evaluated yer circumstances with a level head, and I feel comfortable telling them that we can trust yer judgment where James is concerned.”

  “Can I tell him?” Thalia was thrumming with excitement, and she could feel her pulse racing as she stood up, wanting to leave and find James right now, show off her brand new ‘not crazy’ sticker, and then kiss him and drag him back to their room if he’d let her.

  Ailsa smiled at her, a warm smile that made her look more like someone she could be friends with instead of an adversary. “Let’s go tell James and Kalen together. Alright?”

  Thalia was sick of crying, but she had absolutely cried saying goodbye to James on the circle drive. He had held her tight and kissed her until her lips felt bruised, whispering in her ear that it was only five days, and he’d be back as soon as he could. He’d reminded her to listen to Kalen and Ailsa, and then he had made himself get in the car and drive away.